I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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