you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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