like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
