Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
