you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
