ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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