This is not my ceiling
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
