do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
