Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
