Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
