SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
