i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize