remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Randomize
