Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
