He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Say something about gay babies.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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