I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
