He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
