Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
