Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
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