South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
