I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
