Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
