i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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