You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I have tasted many bathrooms
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
