fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
