I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Even my vagina gasped.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
