Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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