My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
