Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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