I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
