I heard we made out
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
