My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize