i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
