Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
