Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize