In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
