I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
