I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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