So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
