no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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