I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
True strength comes from lack of pants
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
