Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
we're so committed to being not committed
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
