When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
