Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
