do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
