dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
