then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
If that was your dad, he is hot
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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