The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
