and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
