shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
