you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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