The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
