I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
