"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
