Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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