you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
