Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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