i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
