If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize