Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize