i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
