i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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