Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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