I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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