dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
