she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
