This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
