I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
