So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
