don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
