when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
they call him Oral-B. enough said
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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