My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
